Childhood Emotional Neglect has been the root of my abandonment issues and it took me 56 years to figure that out?! 😭

Life

Hi all,
Sitting in my balcony ,drinking a tea ,just gazing into the infinite white clouds makes me realize that beauty is indefinite. It could be beyond our thoughts. There are moments when we really want to block the disturbances around us, the struggles and leave behind everything by giving up. But what we forget is that ,this world is made too huge that it takes a lifetime to experience its beauty.Birds are chirping...wonder what gossips are they sharing.I sometimes do feel that curiosity about life could be a fuel. To know why ,how about anything could make every aspect of life wondrous. 
Be thankful for what you are and work without hesitation. Every time I look out the balcony the emotions are different though the view remains the same...yet what we feel each day is unique. Being human the most unique aspect lies in imagination. Discover every atom in you.Learn to acknowledge everyone .Respect your life and take nothing for granted.
good day friends.

Hi I am Saif bhat I enjoy music today a lot of 

Crush

I feel all people in 28 feel same empty no one to talk and everyone is settling down and growing in their lives. 

3am Thoughts

Not good.
I am 29M. I recently started researching a lot on my behavior and emotion.
I think I have ADHD. It has always been there. That's the reason I could never finish college, Failed my 12th 3 times, Have never been able to hold on to a job, can not stick to a single business/venture for more than a few months, am bad with dates, managing finances. I check all the boxes for that.

On another side I also found out that my mother is a narcissist and I have faced emotional abuse and trauma all my life. I was able to identify with a lot of traits in cluster B personality disorders, especially BPD and covert NPD. I have become the same toxic person as my mother. Apart from that. I have limerence attachment towards someone and they are part of most of my fantasies. I can't stop my mind to drive towards her. It has turned into an extremely unhealthy obsession.

I have always lived with this messed up thoughts/fellings/emotions. Never thought much about it. Though I always thought there was something wrong with me, but didn't know what.
But ever since I have been able to put a name to them and then research those names, I am getting extremely anxious about it.

I now just hate myself. As there is no treatment that cures this. I am now sure I would never ever amount to anything in my life. No one will ever love me for the monster I am. 

All I am looking for is a good therapist/psychiatrist in any city in India where I can move to. Should not be very expensive. I always have had a lot of trouble with my finances as I explained above.
They should have some experience with treating the issues I just mentioned. With the state of mental health awareness in India, I hardly believe there are many therapist who ever get any patient for anything other than the garden variety depression/anxiety treatment.

I know my NPD/CPTSD will always be with me, and I have to live with that.
The main thing I am looking for is some help with my ADHD. I want to be able to focus on things, not get sidetracked, do whats important and not just interesting, so that I could make a decent living. Maybe even more than decent.

P.S: I don't want direct help from this website. As I don't want to disclose my identity on a computer. I want to get in touch with my doctor face to face.


Narcissism

My ex is weird,
He ended it first saying he wants space, talked to many girls and now want me back!

He even made good friendship with girls(flirting) now and asking me to get back in relationship again

When i denied that i want be single and focus on my career, he started blabbering, "thukra k mera pyaar intekam dekhege" 💀

In first you cheated flirting with others and now you have the audacity to blame me for this. And at the he unblocked me from all his social to make me feel more worse.

I was healing myself slowing focusing on my career, this creep gets in my way of healing period always☠



Breakup

Heyyy I'm new here an looking for friends I'm 19

Intro

I've waited and I was patient but somehow it doesn't seem to get any better. 

Career

There is this person whom i met online . Though he stayed in the neighboring locality,i never met him physically. So we talked in WhatsApp and share a lot of stories of our lives. Then in between there was no talk. I had exams and i had to study and do lots of stuffs ... U deleted his number and forget about him. Then few days back he texted me, asking how i was doing and other stuffs. He also did asked me if i was in any relationship and i said no. Then he asked he if i was willing to be in a relationship with him. I said no , not because I hate him but because i didn't want to be in one . He respected my decision but after that he never replied to my message or even message me . Why?

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts