Can’t get attached to anyone. I really want to be in a relationship but I leave anyone I get a little close to and start having feelings. Got into a lot of relations but got commitment issues because I really hate myself. This is due to a previous relationship disaster that I couldn’t let go. I cry sometimes thinking about that because I blame myself although it was an accident. My friends talk shit about her and I want to kill them or really hurt them. I hate most of my friends. I’ve started making friends who will be positive for my mental health but there are so few and most of them live far. Got addicted to a lot of drugs. Sober now since lockdown started so that’s settled.
Did a lot of self-harm that I cannot say here. Ruined my career but I’ll sort that out.
I don’t know how to keep friends or a gf. I’m hoping that someone will suggest something that might help.