“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
I remember watching RuPaul’s Drag Race almost every day after college, and this was something he said at the end of every episode. For the longest time, I always heard it and just let it settle at the back of my head. I never acted on it, or really listened to it with a vigour that was strong enough to let it manifest in my mind.
But over the years, with the self-love movement gaining its momentum, blossoming with diversity along with proper representation, I realized how important it was for me to stop putting myself down in my own eyes. Apart from the obvious little blissful moments, like enjoying spending time alone, falling in love with yourself can help you get hold of a deeper appreciation of your own worth, and make you better on your capabilities.
Our society revolves a lot around the idea of needing a significant other in our lives in order to fully grasp the true meaning and understanding of love. That somehow having another person will make you “whole”. Who are we to blame ourselves for buying into this narrative when it’s been constantly imposed onto us before we could even learn how to speak? Through everything, be it movies, songs, or even clichéd teenage novels; it’s the only thing that we’ve been fed.
It’s completely alright if you aren’t immediately able to unlearn it. The journey towards self-love is not linear, and you need to keep this in mind that two steps forward – one step backwards, is still one step forward.
Incorporating little changes in your daily routine is the best starting point. Here are some things that I did, and fell in love with myself.
1. I fell in love with myself watching old movies alone that never fail to make me laugh
Plopping myself under heavy blankets and putting Main Hoon Na on my laptop with no other sign of life around me for miles wasn’t something I really knew I needed until I started doing. I love going on movie dates with my friends, don’t get me wrong.
But something about being alone in my own safe space and watching a movie that reminds me of simpler times really helped me focus on my thoughts and memories that I associated with the movie when it first came out.
There’s a staggering difference between being alone and feeling lonely. The latter is something that no one deserves to go through, but the former is something that we all unknowingly need once in a while.
2. I fell in love with myself buying flowers for my room on my way back home
I’ve been a massive sucker for flowers and plants for as long as I can remember, and it mainly has to do with the fact that my mum used to make me water our garden almost every day.
Having different flowers in my room every evening is one of the most comforting things to come back to. It really helped me with my self-worth because now, I am somebody who’s supposed to take care of these plants and make sure they thrive; they’re my responsibility.
3. I fell in love with myself as I made playlists for every little mood of mine
Be it a Truth Hurts on an early Sunday morning mood, or an Ivy by Frank Ocean while walking in the rain kind of mood, my playlists have always had my back.
Making different playlists for all my different moods helped me feel safe in my own presence because when I didn’t have anything else, I always had my handcrafted music to fall back to.
4. I fell in love with myself surrounded by people who made it easy to be me
This doesn’t even need to be explained.
Always surround yourself with people who make you feel at ease. Who make you feel comfortable enough to be yourself in front of them. We often resort to toxic friendships because we think we don’t have any other option.
This does nothing for our self-growth; it only sends us into a spiral of doubt and depreciation, because when a toxic person puts us down constantly, we internalize it.
Be around people who love you, for you.
So, this Valentine’s Day, how do you plan to fall in love with yourself?
Have something to share about your own journey to self-love? Let the Now&Me community know!