As the days past, I find it hard to talk to anyone about how I feel. This year, I have cut connections with a previously manipulative friend and lost multiple friends in the process. Due to quarantine, I ended up gaining social anxiety to talk to anyone online. It was already hard enough that I am isolated from everyone in real life, I find it hard to talk to anyone at all.
Whenever I try to say something to my friends, I feel more insecure and pull back. They all seem to be having more fun without me, they have similar interests and likings while I was at the sidelines watching… I didnt mind this at first, until it starts to get burdening. I actively tried to start conversations to join in with them, and get shut down anyway. I dont want to overthink this, but I feel like I have no one to trust… No one to talk to, befriend or anything. I have been spending most my days isolated again, watching youtube and losing interests in things I used to love doing.
Sometimes I get urges… I realize I am making up scenarios in my head, I dont want to twist the ideals of my friends badly. I feel like I did something wrong each time, when nothing has even happened. I feel like reopening the old scars on my arm, and sometimes it itches or burns as well regardless of healing. And sometimes… I get thoughts of cutting connections with the manipulative friend was the good thing to do.
I kind of want the numbness to set back in, so I can forget easier… And pretend I was smiling the entire time. Because not everyday is bad, and now it seems like it is the only thing I can focus on. Apologies…
hey buddy if you need to talk about it you can call me i am here to listen…
Hey buddy, this exact thing happening to me. Because of this quarantine I gained social anxiety. I know how it feels when you want to talk to your friends and stuff but your social anxiety and insecurities pulls you back. You are not the only one so don’t feel bad. Things will get better. I know you’re strong. You’ve got this. I’m with you.
