Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

As of right now, I feel rested because I had a 4 hour nap after getting off of work. With that mentioned, I want to continue from my last post about the incident in 2015. Its the one of many things that I want to let out to make me feel more light if that makes sense. In 2015, I was still in middle school, around 14 years old. It was early Wednesday morining around 3 or 4:45. My Mom was knocking on my door and what she said made me freeze for a couple seconds. Our truck was on fire. Getting up real quick, I went outside and noticed that it was on fire. It took maybe an hour or more for the fire to be put out. There is a lot I remember that day but at the same time I don’t. I remember feeling just empty of emotion except anger. I also remember the sound of the crackling fire underneath the car. It reminded me of the candy PopRocks. And popcorn my favorite snack. I couldn’t look at either of those items for close to a year. And the idea of lighting a match to turn on a candle was too much of a fear for me. Only recently have I been able to feel ok setting a match. And briefly, I couldn’t even look at a truck. The only thing I would see is a white and light gray charred truck. In a lot of ways, we were lucky it was not us. But my parents believed it was more of a warning. We had possible footage and other deaths in our neighborhood that could help us with getting justice but no. The cops and detectives were crokedcops. The weeks prior this fire was our nextdoor neighbors house got raided for selling drugs. The wife of the guys was pissed about the incident because some cops or dectective made no indication that they found a lot of money in the house even though there was. From what my Mom would tell me, is that the wife for whatever reason did not like us because we were not related to anyone in that area. So, she got her cousin and two other guys to set our truck on fire. A week or two later, thosee two guys end up being found shot dead in their own home. By then, I was about to start high school and my Mom made me go to another high school instead of the one close by. Because the daughter of our neighbor is a grade above me and she would be at that school with me. After that, things started to go more downhill then up. The high school I was at before we left our home state, was the best school I have ever gone to. Besides the uniforms, I loved that all the grades were in one building because it was not just me that didn;t want to be there that early in the morning. I also easily made friends, that were guys. Better than female friends to be honest. But yeah, that is the begining of all our big issues. Not counting internal questions for me. That will be on another post. Its nice to get that off my chest for once. I know that others have lost more in other potential fires but for us, it was not only our home that I have known since I was 7 years old, but our safety and security was tampered with. Even to this day, I feel like its my fault. I know that it’s not but I woke up about 30 minutes before the knock on my door happened. Its that nagging feeling of I should have known or done something to prevent it, but I know that it was a coincidence that I woke up before the fire. I hate coincidences but they happen and I have to remember that I could have not known or done anything because it could have been worse and that sadly bad things happen so that we can be prepared for something bigger in the future. It still sucks to this day but that was 7 years ago and I feel a little better omitting this truth for once.