Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

How do you start talking to someone you miss but haven’t talked to in a while?

Well you text them smtg like “hey” and I guess wing it from there? I mean it depends who you’re asking. I’m assuming it’s either someone you weren’t on good terms with or someone you like but yeah a “hey, just wanted to see how you’re doing. How you holding up?” Wouldn’t hurt

I don’t know I feel like it’s more complicated than that and I am also not the type of person to text someone out of nowhere and say hey. We used to talk a bit but we ended up drifting apart and I feel like it’s my fault. I am also scared of getting a bad reaction like just a 2 word answer and stuff. Sometimes it seems like the other person is going through things but I can’t even text a simple “are you okay?”. I have always wanted to be friends and talk but it always felt difficult and I messed it up when it was fine.

Dear friend, there are a few things for you to think about which would help in this situation.

1) Don’t focus about the outcome. As cliché as it sounds, failure is never the outcome, but not trying. My simple advice would be there’s no harm trying to start a conversation, and it takes guts to do it. And in my opinion, I would know whether that person is a genuine friend by the way they respond. But here is a thing you need to acknowledge, friends come and go, and only a few true ones stay with you till the end. And my friend, you will feel hurt but that is the reality of life. So for example if this person is still gonna give you the short answers and even blue tick you, my advice would be to move on because he/she does not value the effort you put in to try to make things work.

2) don’t let who you think you are as a person ruin your relationships. You may think you’re someone who doesn’t text people out of the blue, but you need to understand that when you text someone, it’s because you really care about them. And I can see that you really want this to work and I can see that you genuinely care. My point is it’s not wrong to suddenly “change” and start texting people suddenly. In my opinion, the reason which is holding you back from talking to that person is because you’re afraid to be judged by them. But let me remind you again, if they can’t appreciate you for the efforts you put in and worse still, judge you, my friend, it’s best to move on because you deserve people better than this.

3) Reconcile with that person. If you think it’s your fault, this just gives you one more reason why you should text that person. If that friend is a genuine friend, I’m pretty sure they feel the same way, but nobody dares to say anything in fear that either one of you is still angry about what happened. So my advice would be to try and tell that person sorry and ask if it’s okay if you try to work things out again. It is okay to show someone your vulnerabilities, to show them that you make mistakes. This just makes you look more humble and open to work things out with them.

4) evaluate how much that person means to you. This point is very straightforward. If you believe that the person means a lot to you, I think you should go all out to rekindle your friendship if you care about that person. But again, if they don’t give you the right response like one word answers, then maybe you shouldn’t waste your time and their time.

I’ll just tell you a short story, something that I’ve gone through as well which is a little similar to what you might be going through. So last year I met this girl, a very sweet girl and obviously I was attracted to her. But like you, I was scared that she would not respond in the way I wanted her to respond in and I might get rejected and judged. However, I figured that I only live once, so I tried to start talking. And really this was unexpected because one year later we became very good and close friends. But this is just the happy part. We’ve fought a few times as well and we did stop talking to each other a few times. But here is where point 3 comes in. I tried to reconcile and say my sorry and she also said her sorry and things healed and our friendship just got stronger. This is just an example of what I believe is a healthy friendship. So if you really want to have this healthy friendship with that person, than I believe you should gather your courage and text her/him that “how you doing”.

Good luck my friend

If you have any more concerns, feel free to reply again.

I’m just scared because I dont think this person values me anymore. I did hurt him too because of it and I dont know where I am as a friend to him because we barely ever talk. Even face to face we don’t talk and sometimes when I say something to him he doesn’t even respond which makes me feel awkward. But I’ll take your advice and I’ll think about it again. Thanks!

hi how are you?

Hi how you doing

Hi how you doing