Ashwini Nair @justme26
Angry and frustrated
I am 8 months pregnant and my first baby is going to be here soon. We have been trying for 10 years and finally through IVF we have been successful. Everyone on both sides of family is happy. We live in the US and have no immediate family to help us. My mother in law came when I was around 4 months and has been looking after us. In India she lives with her daughter, son in law and grand daughter in Mumbai. We used to live in Bangalore. Since both of them work she takes care of the kid. Now they are somehow managing since she is here with us. The kid is almost 12. The issue is as long as my mother in law is not living with us she is on good terms with me. Whenever she is visiting she tries to nitpick issues with me. I ignore it most of the time as it’s nothing major and I don’t like blowing things out of proportion. I try to avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary. Even when I have had confrontation with her I never involved my husband in it. I dealt with it myself. Now since I m pregnant she has tried her best not to upset me. But it’s in her nature so once in a while she says something. Again I ignore it coz I need to maintain my Peace of mind for my baby’s sake. So now she is using new approach to get me to retaliate. By making comments about my family, especially my mother. She knows that is something I won’t ignore and will react to. I react and we have a back and forth. After a while she comes back pretending as if nothing has happened. I try to be normal too as I have to continue living with her for few more months. But I can’t forget all the stuff she says. I don’t know how to vent it out. I don’t like involving my husband as he is already swamped with office stuff and I m not really the kind of person to tattle. I don’t want to put him in a position where he has to choose between me and her. I want to continue having a normal relationship with her. She is the one making it impossible.
Seems like a toxic relationship! You can’t continue to tolerate her! It’s high time you voice out your feelings not for you, but for your baby! You don’t need to fight with her just sit with her and have a talk, even after that she doesn’t change, you need to talk to your husband! He deserves to know… You don’t need to face all this alone, take your loved ones support. Tc.
Ashwini Nair @justme26
Thank you for the support and thoughts. I am not involving my husband because these are supposed to be happy time for both of us. I am trying my max to focus on that. I don’t want anything to ruin this time. I am being patient because I know she will leave in a few months time. Another thing I have to worry about is by the time she leaves my mother will come. There will be an overlap of a month or two when both of them will be here together. I m worried that mother in law will start taunting or making comments directly to my mother. I will not be able to stand and watch then. I have already warned my mother about her behavior. She said she will handle it if something like that happens and not to worry about it now.
Uff! You are so strong!!! Proud of you for the way u are handling these situations 💜 more love and strength to you tc🫂
Ashwini Nair @justme26
Thank you. :)
Think and act like a diplomat. You’ll see the change
Ashwini Nair @justme26
I have been very diplomatic till now. That is why we are still living under the same roof without major issues. She has created so many issues in the past too. I have dealt with them at the time and never brought it up ever. I try to solve it immediately and not bring it up years or months later just for spite.
Some more to go.
Omg what a toxic lady, I’m so sorry :(( but hey, first of all, a BIGG CONGRATULATIONSSS on having a baby and we know for a fact that your baby is going to be as strong as his/her mother. Hope you get through this soon :) maybe try talking to her very politely, in a casual way that it would be very upsetting for your mother if she found out about what your mother in law has said or something?
Ashwini Nair @justme26
Thank you. :) Yes my baby is going to be strong. I usually don’t hide anything from my mother. She is my strength. She gives me the strength to face any situation. She gives me good advice and wisdom. She has never told me to treat my mother in law indifferently or behave badly with her. She is the one who tells me avoid confrontation with her to the max. Even if she says something to ignore it unless absolutely necessary to retaliate. Fingers crossed once the baby is born everyone will focus on the baby and hopefully avoid confrontation.
I can completely understand why she advises you to avoid confrontations at all cost. For your sake, I hope it never comes to the point of confronting but if it does, I hope it results into something positive and warm :)
Much, much love to you. All the very best for the baby, take care of yourself, you’re precious :))
Ashwini Nair @justme26
Thank you :)
