Always be thankful to your parents for what they have given you because you really dont know what they have gone through in fulfilling your wishes.

Happy

Anyone up for chat 

3am Thoughts

Realising these scars will be on your body for the rest of your life 

My best friends hang out with my ex and his new gf. I feel so betrayed. Shall i not talk to them Gain

Breakup

We don't even have to try, it's always a good time💟

Can I hear you people ?

I feel sad, very sad. It's like all my energy is getting drained out of me. Even typing this is hard. I don't want to move a muscle. I want to have someone I can trust, someone I can share my happiness and sadness with. But the thought of them leaving me and looking at me as if I'm disgusting is tearing me apart. Nothing particularly happened right now. But just some dialogs are making me remember all the sad things and betrayals. Like today, dad said that I need to maintain relationships. How can I? I just had so betrayals be it family, friends, or even online friends. I feel alone. I want to hug someone and I want them to smile gently, kiss me and cuddle me. But I decided not to have any expectations or trust on anybody. It hurts. I want to die. But Im afraid of pain and the damage I will cause to everyone around me. My head is all foggy I can't think properly. This doesn't happen all the time but only when something triggers me. Other times I just be normal(?) I mean I act like Im smiling and act as if I'm a kid.  But I don't know If I'm acting or just lost. Or I just stare into blank space. Many have told me that I zone off a lot. I don't know what's me anymore. These days I'm unable to keep eye contact and even if I can't see myself I can tell that I'm awkwardly fake laughing. Am I in depression? I don't know. I'm just probably over-reacting to things. But sometimes I can't breath properly, as if im being choked and my chest and the back of my right hand hurt as if they are stabbed with a sharp knife. I didn't know what was happening to me so I googled it. And found that its called 'anxiety attack'. I didn't tell anybody about this. I don't want to, not even to a doctor. I just want to be alone. My throat hurts. And I haven't had my period in months. My last period was in November 2020. It's May 2021 now. I'm scared. What if I become infertile? Then no one would want to marry me and even if somebody did I won't be able escape the the gazes from everyone. And more importantly, I won't be able to have anyone who belongs to 'me', no one I can shower my love on. I'll be alone all my life. It's scary to think about that. When I googled it most of the results say I might have 'PCOS'. It's a lifetime non curable disease. I even have all the symptoms like hair fall, acne(recently got a lot worse) and feeling depressed. I don't want to have another incurable disease. I don't want to be alone in that dark room filled with the smell of antiseptics. I don't want to have needless under my skin again. It's painful. I'm even unable to consult a doctor because of the corona pandemic going on. I visited a doctor once in January probably. Then she said it's nothing to be worried of and that it's common. The causes are most likely stress and unhealthy lifestyle. But for these many months? I don't think I'm under constant stress because I tend to avoid things that cause me stress because of a condition I have called 'Cholinergic urticaria'. So I even stopped studying properly and I'm binge reading the stories I like. Am I under stress? Yes, I am. But am I taking stress? No. I don't know what I'm doing. This is such a crucial part of my life. Despite knowing this I'm unable to concentrate on my studies. I'm useless. I'm a disappointment, burden. I don't know what's going on or maybe I know but I'm just pretending to not know anything. These days I'm unable to sleep. Before I used to sleep at 1 or max 2. But now 3, 4 or even 5. Right now its 4 am. 

If you've read this until the end that means you are very patient. You just read something written by a worthless being, a disappointment. Like I said, I don't want to share what I'm going through with anyone, because that means I trust them and then I expect something from only to get abandoned again. I've had enough of all this. Anyway, If you think you understand what I'm going through or even get the gist of it, then please tell me, what's going on with me and what I should do. Thank you in advance really.

Depression

I am very diff when I am alone a lot myself but when I am in a social situation specially family gatherings I get very awkward and I feel because of that awkwardness my close relativesbdo talk about me. How do I overcome this social anxiety I am not this anxious with friends but family functions are no less than a nightmare for me. Please share some tips there is a cousins wedding next week and I am freaking out. 

It is almost 11:30 PM here where I am. I have to be asleep because I have school tomorrow and I need to be up early. But however, for the first time in my life, I am experiencing auditory hallucinations. Has anyone experienced that before that could help me? Thanks. ￼

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts