All I did was smile, even though my heart was being shattered into pieces, as you mentioned the words… “If I break things up, would you still be my friend?”…
It’s funny to think that you said you would never leave me… Since I had come from a dark place where you can’t trust anyone… I wasn’t naive and I didn’t believe a word, but as the time passed I started to believe in that promise. We would have been celebrating our 2 year mark this friday, but instead you left… and all you could say was…“what do I do with the things you gave me?”
I did see some signs but I didn’t want to think of it… I wanted to believe you when you said that you loved me… I wanted to believe that I was wrong, but I should have listened. I should have been brave enough to stop it.
I don’t regret dating you, but I do regret letting me fall hard for you.
Now I’m alone. Feeling nothing, but pain. I’ve always lived with depression, I’m used to feeling numb. All I want to die Is hide from the world and never come out. I can’t sleep, and if I do all I have is nightmares. My anxiety Is up in the roof, and my tears are always coming down. I know that eventually I’ll be free from this curse and find happiness and peace, but for now… this is all I have left, and the stuff you left behind…
Hi, I felt so glad after reading the last line you wrote that “I know that eventually I’ll be free from this curse and find happiness and peace, but for now… this is all I have left, and the stuff you left behind…”
That’s because it’s so important to know that you need to grieve and feel your emotions and feelings before you can cope or feel better. And you already understand that concept, which is wonderful.
I am sorry you had to go through this, specially when you had to just smile through it all when he was saying these things to you. There are moments when you do say things back and try to put your points forward but sometimes we just know that nothing we’ll say will every make a difference, so we choose to stay quiet and just silently listen, while our heart shatters into a million pieces.
We also choose the ignore the red flags in a person in the beginning and choose to focus on the good parts. it’s completely normal and I’d just urge you to not let that guilt take over yo. We’re all human and it’s okay if we let ourselves fall for the wrong people sometimes.
I’m so sorry honey, even though this is so poetic, tragically poetic, I can imagine the pain you must be in. It isn’t easy to convince yourself to allow yourself to fall in love again when you know you don’t want to feel that pain of a heartbreak. And when your worst fears come true, life clearly seems like the most confusing thing ever. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier to trust again but it really doesn’t. All I can hope is for you to feel better, for the pain to go away, as soon as possible. Recovery takes time, but I wish you strength and love to come out of this healthy. The feeling passes, we move on, and eventually learn to love again, in the hopes that THIS relationship would be our last. And hope is all we have, so take care love, hope the good, happy feelings return to you soon, I’ve been there too <3
