25 and still constantly yelled at by mother, but really yelled and humiliated and called ugly names. Brother justifies it since he wants no drama and the parent is the one that should be obeyed no matter what and he never was hit called ugly names. I am not perfect, but I definitely don’t do anything to deserve this. I used to only be afraid of summers - college breaks but I went back home after finishing college and its like I m 9 again praying to get out of here yes I used to pray .I would say okay My name Only 9 years to go and you are out of here you caan do it. Only difference when I was younger she would hit me a lot. Now she hasnt in about 3 years but she did reach her hand like she was about to. I have no money to leave , i have a place to crash for a month starting on Friday but situation on job market is difficult … and even if I find any job the rent here and food all of it with the water and electricity cant be covered by a paycheck… i am miserable. This is not how I imagined life. I keep apologizing to the young version of me. Cuz she was helpless back then and I should have made a plan a couple ofyears ago. This is on me. But it still hurts so much. I dont know what i want to hear. Hang in there? No , its pointless. Ask someone for help. Cant, have no one. I cant ask other who live happily with their parents orI have a friend who lives with a sister. they are working hard to pay that rent. And I would feel like a loser to just be a parasite for someone. Here at home I am constantly yelled to get out also but whenever theree is a hint I might just do that I am told that I will regret it, that I am ruining my future if I am going to work in a caffe or smt like that to survive. But honestly i am barely surviving here mentally. I have a friend whos gay who went living on his own working 2 jobs one online , another in a caffee. His family didnt exactly banish him but they didnt support him at all and they hurt him every single fay by their words and threats. And I wish I was more like him to do that, I dont know whats stopping me. I am not happy here. I guess if it was only worse such as alcoholism , if I were gay and accepted, if someone was a drug addict , you know, a real situation so that everyone could undestand. Everyone just think I dont get along with mother, they dont realise how much it affects me. Not even my closest friends, not even my grandma. And why should they? What have I done to prove the opposite? I am gonna move the fay after tomorrow. But she knowsnits temporary I dont have money for more. Where Im going its almost a 0 chance to find some job. I am just hoping for just a bit good luck frok universe and my hard work. But ive never had good luck. I just need something to appear that will help me get on my path of happiness. Long text but have been crying for 2 hours now in a dark room and im a bit calmer now that she left the house for a while.
Hi, I hope this small thought helps. Our life is changed and is exactly how we see it. The actions and words of your family are a reflection of their inner thoughts and perceptions. This has nothing to do with you. You are a beautiful SOUL and you can choose thoughts to lift yourself, you are doing your best and no matter what’s going on around you, you are the one in your own journey. It sounds simple though trust me I know it isn’t, but slowly try to shift the way you look at it. Pity your family for being blind to the spirit that connects us all and choose thoughts that will lift you higher above all of this life. Make choices even if its tiny to make progress towards what you want. This can be anything to keep moving the direction you want. Save an extra dollar don’t use it and look at that dollar as the start of becoming independent of those who pull you down. With Love a Friend.
Hey, thank you, and yes every good think implies some sacrifies
