Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

220123

it’s 1 am here and I can’t sleep. Am having a headache and my fricking tooth hurts. every thing is so overwhelming right now…

I broke up with my boyfriend on the 9th this month cause I wasn’t able to handle everything together. I didn’t want to waste his time too, with my constant absence, so I broke it off. I know its sounds and probably is very selfish, but I know that it was better than leading him on.

I do feel a bit free nowadays. But yeah… the void comes back every now and then to suck me back in. the paracosms have become much more stressful and I can’t seem to get rid of them. no matter what I do. so I decided to just roll with it.

Plus my farewell party is literally around the corner. And my fam isn’t allowing me to attend it. The one time I’ll be able to meet everyone and take pictures with them, and hold onto those for my future… frick it…

I won’t get to do anything I want anytime anyway… might as well not get attached. I don’t even know why I’m writing this down right now…

The razor is front of me seems a very tempting option. once and for all, end it. won’t be a burden on family… nobody would be angry with me. the root cause to all their problems would be gone. And I know I shouldn’t be even thinking about doing something like that but when you are sitting on the edge of some thing and you look down and see the things so deep, all you wanna do is jump… the urge is like that.

My fiction blog is on hold. I don’t have time to type out my stories cause of the bundle of studies on my head. I never wanted to study physics and chemistry. world doesn’t make much sense when one wants to give up…

this year started out with me trying to make friends and trying to happy… then why am I feeling this? this… nothingness? not nothing but searing pain all over the body. pain I cannot tell anyone about cause then I would be a target of gaslighting. I don’t want that load on my already ruined mental health…

Guess that’s it…

confused and tired,
Mochi💚