Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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I should’ve posted or written this yesterday itself… Anyway, I got freaked out. My ex boyfriend’s sister had contacted me through Instagram asking if I knew where he was. And being the overthinker I am, I thought he must have left the state or something(which he actually did). Anyway, I was panicking over his wellbeing. He had spent two nights in jail just after our breakup and fairly, the case had nothing to do with him. But Indian police, heh. So, yeah, after spending the night there(I’m talking about the thing that happened 2 months ago), he got kicked out of his house and started living with his best friend who was already living alone. Now, I didn’t even know that he had a sister considering he never talks to his family and all. She was cousin he never mentioned. Yeah, and now she texted me saying that neither does she or his mother know about his whereabouts. I asked his best friend and he denied about having any knowledge about his location. I even contacted his ex girlfriend, knowing that she was a bit of a stalker. She didn’t reply or anything and here I was, panicking. So… I texted him. Bad move? I know. He did reply. After 4 hours, but look at the bright side. Jumping straight to the point, I asked him where he was and I wanted to smash his head through a wall when I got his lameass reply: ‘somewhere far’. Like dude, JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN ANSWER BEFORE I GET A HEART ATTACK. so yeah, After a while of asking, he told me that he was in Himachal Pradesh. For those who don’t know, HP is like really north of India. And he lived in the Central part, Madhya Pradesh. Enough with the Geography, let’s move on with my lamenting. So yeah, I immediately texted his sister. And then dropped the bomb : You wanna come back to me? And I was like… Yeah so anyway, we talked for a bit and all. But one thing was kinda clear to me. I was so not over him. Like soooo not. After getting to know about the fact that I was still in ‘love’ with my ex, my sister sat me down and explained that I should sort thing out with him. And for the first time in 4 months, I shed a pond of tears in front of her. Record broken. Anyway, even if it seems that I’m writing this in a funny way is only because I shouldve written this yesterday. Today, I’m just back to bottling up my feelings. SO YEAH, while pretending to sleep, I kinda had a talk with my inner conscience. And that’s when I kinda realised that if I go back, I’m never gonna listen to myself again. My gut feelings will go wheeee. So… I blocked him. Again. At 7pm, I got a series of messages from him from my another account where I had forgotten to block him. His texts went like- why did you use me? You just showed how cheap a person can be. I trusted you. Blah blah blah. If I go in deep, I might cry and we don’t want that. So yeah, after seenzoning the texts, I blocked him again. Yay me. But the stupid me forgot me block his sister. So at correct 3:31 am, I got another series of texts from her. I was studying, so I checked them at 3:45ish. So yeah, it was basically like- you turned my own brother against me. You should’nt have talked to him straightforwardly. Blah blah blah. Reading that, I went into the process of self analysis. Questions like- Was what I did wrong? Should I just go back to him? Is she right? Stupid? I know. I was so into my thoughts that I had forgotten to block her. Yay me. So after a while, pike 4:40ish, I noticed that I received another 4-5 texts from her. Opening that, she had texted the following- you seenzone my messages and not even have the guts to reply? You know, you don’t deserve my brother. It was great that he left you. And with that, my temporary mental stability said that it’ll visit me after some time. I was crying. Thank goodness I was in my own room that I had the privacy to cry. It was 5am and I was still crying. It was raining outside. Didn’t feel like the sky was crying with me, instead it felt like it was mocking me. Saying that what you did was wrong and with yourself, you’re making others sad too. Doesn’t make sense? What does?
At 5:10ish or something, I decided that I should pour out something of my mind to my best friend. I sent 8 audio messages and a series of screenshots. I was not expecting any thing cause I knew that she had no experience with romantic heartbreaks and all and I just wanted her to listen. And that’s what she did. After getting up at 3 in the afternoon, I received 4 messages from her. She said that even though she doesn’t know what she can do to help, she’s here for me. And the damn dam broke. I ‘excused’ myself to the bathroom and cried more tears than the water in there.

I don’t know why I wrote this here. Today. But it feels a lot lighter than it did before. Thank you for keeping your patience level in check while reading this.

Love? Naah,
With a scoop of watermelon and a head full of dreams,
Mochi💚