Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

2 years ago I left home because I thought my parents were cruel to me. I’m 24 now. It was unbelievably intense. I was very traumatized. I went to therapy as soon as I had the money , courage and stability to do so. I can’t put into words how hard it has been to do is on my own. The 2 friends I got try to help but they’ve got their own issues and don’t fully understand how to, this made me realize I really had to do this fully on my own. I’m doing okay after 2 years but I still suffer from very low self-esteem and I’m still hyperactive and overemotional because of the ptsd. I honestly feel pretty lonely and it’s quite hard to meet new people. I also struggle finding a job I actually enjoy. I honestly put an unwordly amount of effort into being an better person and getting out off all this mess. I can see the progress I’ve made but I still feel pretty hopeless often. I know getting an girlfriend won’t solve my problems but I think that’s something that would help me tremendously. Girls do see me, I consider myself an attractive and kind person. But just getting close to a girl or getting to know her a little bit opens up so much pain I sometimes get paralyzed while crying. It’s so unbelievably intense, it breaks my heart every time :/. So yeah, I wonder from day to day, trying to make something out of nothing. What hurts me the most is when I try to be normal to other people, like I’m happy and everything seems fine. But soon they see I’m not, and I’m not sure what happens inside of me but almost every time I just crumble and get very sad and anxious. I’m waiting for the better days, doing my best to assure a better future and break my families traumatic and poor circle. To whoever is reading this: Thank you for taking the time and I hope this also eases a little but of your pain and you find comfort in my words. Take care ❤

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